“An easy heart makes for an easy world.”
I’m the first to admit my heart is level 3 or 4–not so easy.
I tried the lipstick my brother’s girlfriend gave me and I said, this really accentuates my moustache. She made a face, that’s not what girls who wear lipstick say.
But I liked the way it pulled at my eyes.
My sister curled my hair and I ran my fingers through it. She exclaimed, “but it looks good!” That’s not how you say thank you.
But the girl in the mirror seemed present.
I think of all the ways I could try but they don’t appeal to me. I wore too much eyeliner and I showed up to Katie’s house and she was asleep by 1130 and I thought, not this time. Like all the times.
And I came home and washed my face, just like I did before I smeared it in gunk. You can’t start completely anew, but you can seek another surface. There’s usually at least that.
Before, for some reason, I thought I was waiting for you. Leaving room for you. But now after a day or two of contemplation I realize I was really waiting for me. Waiting to make up my mind. All this time. I think. She decides. The end of another decade and who knows where I’ll be this time next year.