“An easy heart makes for an easy world.” 

I’m the first to admit my heart is level 3 or 4–not so easy. 

I tried the lipstick my brother’s girlfriend gave me and I said, this really accentuates my moustache. She made a face, that’s not what girls who wear lipstick say. 

But I liked the way it pulled at my eyes. 

My sister curled my hair and I ran my fingers through it. She exclaimed, “but it looks good!” That’s not how you say thank you. 

But the girl in the mirror seemed present. 

I think of all the ways I could try but they don’t appeal to me. I wore too much eyeliner and I showed up to Katie’s house and she was asleep by 1130 and I thought, not this time. Like all the times. 

And I came home and washed my face, just like I did before I smeared it in gunk. You can’t  start completely anew, but you can seek another surface. There’s usually at least that. 

Before, for some reason, I thought I was waiting for you. Leaving room for you. But now after a day or two of contemplation I realize I was really waiting for me. Waiting to make up my mind. All this time. I think. She decides. The end of another decade and who knows where I’ll be this time next year. 


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