Some times

First and foremost, I hope you consider me a friend. First and foremost, I hope you know that I want the best for you, and that I will do my best to help you achieve that–however that looks for you. First and foremost know this.

I don’t always have the right thing to say. A few months ago I found myself constantly worrying–what do I say? And now I’m a little more aware that it’s not the words I say but it’s the presence I can emit that counts. If I’m present in the moment–the words will come or they won’t but at least I’ll be listening. At least I’ll be more interested in you than me. At least I can give a little bit in that way. At least I can avoid projection in that way.

I’m present as a student explains his physical assault to me. I’m present as a student feels bored a third of a world away. I’m present as you get self-conscious and fear you have offended me. I’m present as I listen to your ignorance and your brilliance. I’m present as I am reminded yet again that my worries, fears, stressors do not matter. “You have a name, but soon you will not.” What I want to remember–what I need to remember–is that regardless of where I go next or what happens next, at one moment I was here.

At one moment this was happening to me.

That a moment before here we were. Isn’t that why I write? This happened. Regardless of what comes next–it is separate from this now. It cannot taint it, remedy it, erase it. It cannot change what happened today. When we were present.

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