cajones

You were a sun in the night.

Did you know today, I took no shit, and it was the best way. I didn’t internalize. I purged. I pushed back and out. It felt so good. I carried nothing home but myself. I carried nothing on my back but my own reality. As positively and as proactively as I could–I took no shit.

I stay up late, late, late, late to write your name. Maybe this way that I am–it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. 9/10 do not prefer. It isn’t the right way. Not the recommended dose. My moods and my moves and the way I say things, the way I slouch in my chair, the way I talk over you, the way I sigh or breathe or roll my eyes. Maybe these ways aren’t the way you would do things. This isn’t the right way or the best way. Maybe it’s time I accept there is no model humanBut god damn, if there were–could it be me?

I look at you and I see you–do you know what that feels like. Do you know what my life is like? Can you imagine the inside of my head? All the shit that rattles around in there. I can never compare. I cannot fathom. I’ve got you here. I finger the tendrils of my brain. The trees grow silently. Did you know? When they chop me down you can count the rings and you’ll know. Another piece of firewood. I know you know.

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