D is for

“I would love to say that you make me weak in the knees, but to be quite upfront and completely truthful–you make my body forget it has knees at all.”

What is there to say about desire? I’m trying to learn that attraction is not like, is not love, is only an acknowledgement of another. I’m trying to understand what attracts me to others, when the switch flips and I decide to let them in. What fuels the interactions as we do and do not try to get to know one another. What allows me to say or do what I want or what prevents me. What it matters. Where it goes. How it works.

I slurp my coca tea and I taste the early mornings of Peru. I see the hazy, foggy, wet dawn and listen to the water trickling somewhere nearby. Always nearby.

I talk with you and I laugh with you and I try to sort out how it may be different; why I need it to be different; why it may feel different. Trying to put words to things that don’t fit. Feelings we have in the moment that don’t always transcend time. What is the significance of the feeling? Do we love to love? That feeling of having your breath catch in your throat is so addicting? That wave of not feeling when you feel so much…too much to bear, but too much to deny?

In the mornings, I would smile at you, and my day was made.


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