You in your were 

“What other people say about you is none of your business.” 

Oh, but I wish it were. Do I really? 

I have a vulnerability hangover. I do because I am because sometimes the lighting in the room is low and you treat yourself to tequila and vodka and french fries and tacos and you think…I feel so safe I’m going to explode. So you do, you explode. And then later you hear yourself, you repeat the sound of your voice because you’re not used to hearing it and you so rarely explode. You so rarely come across yourself creating a scene and so once you do once you have you can’t look away because it’s just like a fucking trainwreck. 

And you think, what’s wrong with me that I’m so near-sighted and daft and inconsiderate and small? And I think sometimes the side effect of being made to feel small is that you start to act small. Sometimes you forget that small is your safety net is your defense is your fight tactic. I’ll get so small you can’t see me and then you can’t hurt me. 

But I don’t have to be privy to what they say about me. In fact I have no right to know. I should be glad for it and I should embrace it and I can only ask myself, do you see as fully as you wish to be seen? 

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